I am still standing here barely moving in the cold room of a typical Australia winter season. Never too sure of what kind of strength do I need to keep on moving now. It also mark the third month since I am on my anti-depression medication. Those pills are not working wonders. Situation is getting worst. Often time, the burden and the hardship almost knock me down senselessly. I have lost everything at the edge of barely 22 years old. I am too young to not enjoy life.
I know this would happen eventually. Its inevitable. My journeys are foretold to end by the third year of my stay. Resistances and hard works are almost futile. I have to eventually pack my way back to Malaysia regardless before things getting worst. The least I could do and fathom is to fix all those broken tie in Malaysia. There are nothing left for me here in Australia. Mate, if you dare look in awe to all of those amazing picture on instagram, you are getting it all wrong. If you do, you are nothing less but a fool trying to dream yourself a utopia. None of us were told, before coming here, of the situation awaited. Especially those who came here intangible to any sponsorship .
I have been working my arse for as long of two years time just to find that my boss had me cheated all along. Those tax returns were burnt subconsciously before my eyes. Now, I had spent days walking in a hot blazing sun and rainy days just to make up for the debt I owe from friends. It is never a good trade. I did not sign up for this when I first came. Not to forget all kind of nasty words and swear throw at me regardless. Oh yes, it is amazing. What a story.
I throw everything up. My studies are getting nowhere. My heart is broken. Tears are endlessly flowing a river. Those unit grades are not going to climb itself back to the dean list. Let alone pass. Its over. I am too young to handle this on my own. I guess, by the end of the day, this is the way of Allah swt telling me that "its over, go home now, your family need you. Your heart needs you to be there. I will give you something better". I give up.
